Today is November 10. On my way into town, I couldn’t believe my eyes — some people already have Christmas trees on their balconies. After a bit of research, I found out more about these so-called Tinsel Sprinters.

The Tinsel Sprinter (Homo festivus praecox)

Habitat:

Typically observed in suburban balconies, apartment windows, and front gardens. Prefers environments where illumination levels can outshine both neighbors and passing aircraft. Migration toward hardware stores begins in late October.

Identification:

Recognizable by the faint scent of cinnamon and plastic pine detectable from twenty meters away. Distinguishing calls include “It’s never too early!” and “On Dasher, on Dancer!”

Behavior:

The Tinsel Sprinter exhibits strong pre-emptive instincts. As early as November 1st, it may begin ritual decorating, often accompanied by holiday playlists and the ceremonial unboxing of last year’s tangled lights. Attempts to reason with the Sprinter (“Don’t you think it’s a bit early?”) are typically met with a bright, glazed smile and the words “Well, the days are so dark now.”

Seasonal Patterns:

Displays peak luminance between November 10 and December 10, followed by gradual decline. By the time true Christmas arrives, the Tinsel Sprinter has often entered the rare but well-documented Post-Festive Fatigue phase, characterized by sighs and the phrase, “Can’t wait to take it all down.”